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Dick Pickett loved to kick it-SHIT- let me start over, sorry. Richard Pickett loved Lorrie Lovitt-FUCK-please forgive me. I have a problem with rhyming accidentally when sitting down and trying to piece things together. There, that's much better.
Richard went by the name 'Dick' which is short for Richard. Weird, I know, but true. We met what seemed like a million years ago, after that we never looked back. We had each found our best friend. I had Dick, he had me, then Lorrie Lovitt came along and screwed it all up. Not on purpose, there was not a malicious bone in Lorrie's slender body-FOCUS-her body description is not important. What is important are the events that lead me to strange, bizarre, unforgettable misadventures.
Because there seems like so much happened and it was all interesting and crazy, because I think that, most of it is probably just boring. I will focus on giving as much interesting background as I can about Dick and me.
Was molested by his big breasted Aunt at the age of thirteen.
He liked it.
He was attracted to his Aunt.
He later found out he was considered a molestation victim and a survivor of incest. Not exactly incest, it was his biological Uncle's wife, his Uncle was not happy.
From that day forth he was a sucker for big, chubby, heavy, large, voluptuous women.
He loved both his parents.
They were taken from him in the form of a car wreck on the way home from their last anniversary dinner.
He was keeping his Aunt cozy while his Uncle was away on a business trip when his parental's went head on with a rogue big rig. The driver was drunk or sleeping or both.
He was able to stay with his Aunt after his Uncle divorced her. Their relationship remained until high school.
He started dating big girls his own age and had to break up with his Aunt. She was heart broken and committed suicide later that evening.
He came to live with me and my Aunt. After three days of tears, Lunchables and missed school, he recovered from his loss and vowed to never love any girl ever again.
He also vowed to complete a bucket list of things to do before he died, in case he ever went head on with a rogue big rig. I didn't take him serious, about the list, not the big rig possibility.
After high school he started working as a pizza delivery driver, part time. He also worked at a poster kiosk in the mall, part time. When not delivering pizza or pushing posters, he was sweeping the floor of the arcade, part time.
He did good and made enough for a single bedroom apartment.
I was sexually frustrated as a youth.
Masturbated to the most slender woman I could see or think of.
Wanted a slender brunette girlfriend to have sex with.
Never considered I may have a hang up on sex.
It never bothered me.
I hated my parental's and lived with my Aunt.
She never made a pass at me though, even if she had, I would have had to pass on her.
I did not find her attractive.
I obsessed over women I couldn't have. Listened to depressing songs.
Lived off of Surge and Nintendo 64.
After high school I got a job at a music store, the instrument kind not the CD kind.
One day my Aunt told me she was moving back to the Midwest and no offense but she didn't want me to go with her. I wasn't offended.
I packed up my porn, video games, guitar, etc.
That same night I moved into Dick's one bedroom apartment. He let me call his couch my bed.
This page is dedicated to my friend, brother(not biological), only man I ever loved.
Dick passed away very early in life. I was left with distraught lover, Lorrie Lovitt, and a bucket list longer than John Holmes' cock. The thing was that Lorrie Lovitt was in mad love with Dick Pickett, he really did love to hit it, so he said. The problem instead, my heart, pumped blood red, like a Corvette, for Lorrie Lovitt-FUCK-Excuse me. I mean, I was in love with Lorrie Lovitt and she didn't love me. Lorrie loved Dick and Dick loved large and chubby women, not slender and fit pale girls that could run six to ten miles a day-FUCK-FOCUS.
The point of this web page is essentially to share the story of how I managed to ruin two lives attempting to fulfill my best friend's bucket list. I wanted the first entry to recall how I discovered the list and why I felt the need to fulfill Dick's wildest dreams.
Instead I decided it would be best for the story to begin when Dick and I met Lorrie Lovitt. So I will give you the rundown on the bucket list.
I found the list wedged between pages of the novel, Post Office. Lorrie said he always wanted me to read it. It was true, I had refused to read it on the numerous occasions he offered it to me. At that point the regret I felt not having read that book was heavy. I vowed to read the novel. It was to be the first novel I have ever read.
At first I had no idea what it was. I unfolded the thick papers to see it was a computer printed list. The title in bold capital letters read: “Dick's Bucket List: Things I Must Do Before I Fucking Die.”
I laughed it off a little, thinking to myself, this is some shit Dick would do in case he died. Then when I remembered he was dead, I got teary eyed, I cried in his old room. Used my sleeve to wipe my nose.
I was going to miss that Auntie-fucker, I called Dick that, it was my personal nick name for him. Crying while I looked over the list.
My tears dried immediately as I read the first thing on the list. One thing you should know. Dick and I made bucket lists together, as a joke, but that was we were very small time, when we were younger, things we wanted were small, but at the time they felt huge, like John Holmes' cock.
I felt a tinge of instant betrayal at the first thing on the list. My stomach burned with acid, my asshole clenched up, I was visibly sweating.
The top of his bucket list. In bold print. Instead of going backwards for the countdown, or usual normality, Dick had gone with the Zero,One, Two, method. Here's what it looked like:
DICK'S BUCKET LIST: THINGS I MUST DO BEFORE I FUCKING DIE
0. If for any reason I cannot fulfill the things on this list before I'm snuffed off this mortal coil, the list will be handed down to my best friend. He will fulfill the list to the highest degree, living out and doing the things I could not, because I will be dead(Sorry, Tuck).
Then after that, the list just continued from number one all the way down to the last number. You're probably wondering how many there are on the list? That I will not tell you here, I need to give some element of surprise and reason for you to want return to this page to see what wacky misadventure I endured to fulfill my dead friends wishes.
I will write them as I remember them, but also spare no detail, so you will be getting tidbits and other things that were going on in my life at the time. And there is more about Lorrie Lovitt and Dick Pickett's relationship and my own love for her. As I said I will start with the meeting of Lorrie, Dick's death, my discovery of the list, and then finally number 1 on the list.
Thanks for reading, those of you that stuck through all this and keep checking for updates. Also be warned that some of the content and descriptions in these tales may cause vomiting or excessive prayer. We sometimes push it to the limit for our friends. I know I did.
Sincerely,
Tucker Sawyer |
